I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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