then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
