Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
