His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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