sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
