it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
