you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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