so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
