I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
