thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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