is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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