Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
