She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
