So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
