This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
