I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
