i already hear my dad disowning me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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