My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
