You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
