I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
