Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
