I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
