Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
