i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
