i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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