I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
