Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
