is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
