So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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