Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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