i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
