I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
