had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
