I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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