He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
