Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
