just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
