Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Randomize
