I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
