my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Everyone says I win the strip club
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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