kristin has been a bad kristin
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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