my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
