Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
