My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
