I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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