So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
