Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want nice things and good sex
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
