Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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