I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I love having hate sex.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
