did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
