You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
