Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
