Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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