I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
