Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Someone signed my nipple.
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