Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
someone threw a dead crab at me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
