Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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