Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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