i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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